or just the writer being a teenager.....
God.... please help the writer
One perfect afternoon, I was in the middle of the sea among beautiful islands on Karimun Jawa. I went snorkeling with my family and some other tourists. Waktu itu cuma dikit orang lompat dari boat buat snorkeling soalnya ombaknya lumayan gede dan aku termasuk dari orang-orang itu. Well, i love swimming especially in the sea ! Aku lompat aja, tapi gak niat snorkeling buat liat2 karang, pengen renang2 aja di ombak segitu. It was quiet tiring, tapi tetep aja fun apalagi sambil liat pemandangan pulau sekeliling meski agak jauh. Waktu itu boatnya nggak dijangkar jadi jalan pelan2. We swam beside it as it still went on. Tapi tambah lama ombaknya tambah tinggi, malah boatnya tuh kaya miring2 dan mau nimpa kita yang lagi renang di sebelahnya ! Jadi aku coba renang agak di belakang boatnya dan agak jauh dikit. Hmmm tambah lama tambah capek berat gara2 ombaknya tambah besar. Aku coba nikmatin aja sambil coba ngeliat kebawah yang banyak karang2 bagus...... So I looked down and........I didn't see any coral . In fact I didn't see anything at all ! It was really dark below and looked veryyyyyyyyyyy deep. Well, I got scared and I decided immediately to look up. I got shocked because i realised that the boat was going quiet far from me already. I swam and swam, but didn't get close enough, in fact I was just fighting the wave and drinking it ~0~ Well, then I was about to give up. I decided to just make myself at least not to drown and still be able to breathe(really, ombaknya kaya nyapu kepala terus) . I moved my legs and arms to get my head always above the water. Deep down there was just scary, but I could see the islands were just beautiful. Then I thought, I couldn't just give up, because jelas kalo aku give up dan ketarik ke dalem ya bakal game over gua. I swam swam and swam and really tried not to look below. It was really exhausting and I was barely breathing but it was what I have to do........ huuuhhh. Terus, aku ngerasa something pulled me sooo strongly, I was struggling to flee but it was just too strong. Dan ternyata it was the lifeguard :"" Gooood, I was really thankful. Then, I and the rest of the group went on board and just went to one of the beautiful islands that i had seen before from the water. God .... what an experience :))
Hmm... and lately i am doing a struggle that feels like it.
These days i have been in a hard time.
Sometimes i feel that it's even hard to breathe, just like when i got lost in the ocean. Feels like the waves wanna sweep me off. The deep down sea was like what's in my past(what has happened). It was like aku pengin ngeliat karang2 bagus di bawah, tapi aku sadar kalo di bawah gak ada apa2 dan nakutin banget. Aku berusaha gak ngelihat bawah lagi... I'm afraid i'll get drown, so I swim swim and swim to survive though it is tiring. I must have something to do to get distracted. I study everytime i can, be busy,go to classes. And in the weekend, i feel that i must go hanging out with friends or travelling with my family. Some pics and posts of it, you can see in my instagram, path , or twitter. I feel that i have to do this a lot to survive. No space for my brain to think bout "what's below", no space for my heart to feel the sadness, no space for me to cry. Everyday has to be just hectic. Ini juga manfaat banget biar malemnya bisa tidur. When I get really tired, in the night surely I go asleep easily. Kalo nggak, i'll get insomnia. I can actually be wide awake for nights and not get sleepy at all during the days.
The worst is, the most frequent thing i think about is giving up. Letting me drown again. But until now, i don't
But all in all, I can see the view of the beautiful islands from here, it is like my expected future. It is what motivates me to keep struggling. :)
Now, I'm waiting for the lifeguard to come saving me. Sometimes i feel that it's gonna be someone from the surface. Sometimes i feel that it is actually myself. I am the one who can safe me. Sometimes i feel that it is actually my surroundings, my family, bestfriends, and all. But sometimes, i feel that it can be a big fish from the deep dark scary sea, meaning : someone from back there(am i even allowed to just think of this possible). I don't know. . Or I should not wait(again) ?
Kadang everything nggak work out. Being busy is just not helping, just distracting(well at least). Trying to move on sometimes is like riding a static bike. It might doesn't get you anywhere, but at least it burns your calorie, (?) Kok pada at least at least terus ya..... Well, at least I do something for me and I think I should be happy and not to be sad. You too..
Tell me better things to do if you know
astaghfirullah
aku tak liat mario teguh dulu guys
